The four-leaf clover, part one

Brahmacharini Nirmalamrita Chaitanya gave this Satsang in the spring of 1999, a few weeks before she merged in Amma.

Om Amriteswaryai Namah. I offer my salutations to our beloved Amma and to all of my brothers and sisters sitting here. Once about eight years ago, I was taking a walk with my brother and his son through a beautiful redwood grove on the Northern California Coast. It was the first year that I had been sent early from India to the California ashram for the purpose of helping to plan and prepare for the tour. I was feeling very sad to be so far away from Amma and was feeling out of place in what used to be my homeland. Because I had been living in India and hadn't seen my family for a couple of years, we went on a picnic one afternoon in the coastal redwoods south of San Francisco.

The forest was deep, dark, cool and lovely, and I was enjoying the natural beauty that surrounded me. As you all know, redwood trees are the tallest trees in the world and the forest floor only gets the filtered rays of light from above. In a dense grove of redwood trees it can be quite dark and very beautiful with the tall tree trunks rising high like the columns of an ancient cathedral. And like in the ancient cathedrals of Europe, we felt a silence that we didn't dare betray, so when we spoke it was only in hushed tones.

As we walked along, we saw ahead of us a brilliant shaft of light that penetrated an opening in the green canopy above. The beam of light pierced the darkness of the forest and illuminated a lovely, bright-green patch of clover on the forest floor. It was as if a spotlight from heaven was illuminating something sacred and mysterious on the forest floor, beckoning us towards something important. Captivated by this sight, I thought aloud, "Oh, Amma! Wouldn't it be wonderful to find a four-leaf clover!" In delight I ran over to the shining patch of clover and, looking down, I couldn't believe my eyes. I didn't even have to search; it was the first thing my eyes rested on -- a four-leaf clover!

This really blew my mind. Never before in my life had I ever even seen a four-leaf clover, except maybe something preserved in resin in some key chain somewhere. And here one was, immediately after I'd had that thought. Clearly, it was Amma's doing. Her loving presence flooded my being and I felt completely loved. At that moment I knew without any doubt that Amma was there with me, guiding me, loving me and holding me even on this little outing with my family.

My brother caught up with me and said "Far out! You found one! That's a sign of very good luck." I couldn't even begin to tell him what I was experiencing. Silently we continued our walk and I reflected on my good luck. "Yes, it's true," I thought, "I am lucky, luckier than anyone can imagine, because I am Amma's child. I'm Hers completely, under her Divine guidance, protection, and care, and She loves me so much. She is here with me right now and She just gave me this incredible gift. And even more than that, She is my beloved Guru who is taking me Home."

And that's what I want to talk about tonight: about our incredible good fortune to be Amma's children and to be under her tender and loving guidance and care; about Her rare gift to us and Her presence, and about simply being with Amma. But more importantly I want to talk about the power of the mind and mental attitude and how it can allow or deny us all these things.

Mother really stresses the point of mental attitude. In Her birthday speech last September She told us that we cannot overcome the problems we face by merely trying to change our outer circumstances. Instead, She said we have to change our attitude and our mentality. If changing the external situations could solve our problems, those that live in air-conditioned rooms and travel in air-conditioned cars would have peace of mind. Amma tells us that it is our mental state that needs to be altered.

I remember a story that Amma narrates often. It is about a big tough samurai who once went to see a little monk.

"Monk," he said in a voice accustomed to instant obedience, "teach me about heaven and hell."

The monk looked up at this mighty warrior and replied with utter disdain: "Teach you about heaven and hell? I couldn't teach you about anything. You're dirty. You smell. Your blade is rusty. You are a disgrace and embarrassment to the samurai class. Get out of my sight. I can't stand you!"

The samurai was furious. He shook, got red in the face, and was speechless with rage. He pulled out his sword and raised it above the monk preparing to slay him.

"That's hell," the monk said softly.

The samurai was overwhelmed by the compassion and surrender of this little man who had offered his life to give this teaching, to show him what hell was. He slowly put down his sword, filled with gratitude, and was suddenly peaceful.

"And that's heaven," said the monk softly.

Our minds make our heaven and our hell. All the great souls have been great because of their mastery over their minds.

There is the example of Mirabai, the famous saint of Rajasthan. The Rana of Mewar wanted to kill her and sent a cup of poison to her. Even though Mirabai knew it was poison, she accepted the cup and drank it. But nothing happened. The Rana tried other means to kill her, but was unsuccessful. And throughout all this, Mirabai remained blissful and unperturbed. Mother says this is because as far as Mirabai was concerned, everything was her beloved Lord Krishna. Her Lord did everything for her, whether it seemed good or bad. Whatever happened, she had no complaints. She simply accepted everything that came to her as His prasad. For her, the entire universe was Krishna and she had become one with all of creation. The whole of creation was protecting her, so how could any poison affect her unless she wanted it to?

Mother is the greatest example of someone who lives this principle. Throughout Her childhood She underwent severe trials and tribulations, yet She was always able to confront all situations with a smile. She never complained about the way her family treated Her, but instead cheerfully did all the chores that were asked of Her. Her mind was constantly fixed on Her beloved Lord.

Even when Her own brother and cousin tried to kill Her, She smiled at them and said, "I am not afraid of death. You may kill this body, but the Self is immortal and indestructible. You cannot kill the Self." Then she sat down calmly and quietly. The assassins were powerless; they couldn't do anything to Her.

Once, when I first met Amma, we went out for an evening programme in another village, and returned to the ashram at about 3:00 a.m. We were standing on the other side of the backwaters at the boat jetty, waiting for a boat to take us across to the ashram. I was standing right next to Amma and She asked me if I was tired. I said, "Yes." Not knowing who Amma really was, I asked Her if She was tired. She told me that She wasn't, that giving other people happiness gave Her strength and energy. Mother is always showing us the truth to this statement. On Christmas Eve this December, the Devi Bhava in Amritapuri lasted until 10 a.m. Amma had started giving darshan at 10 in the morning and after only a one-and-a-half hour break in the afternoon, gave Devi Bhava darshan until 10:00 a.m. Christmas morning. That was 24 hours! Mother gave darshan to more than 10,000 people! But what really impressed me the most was that She was smiling afterwards. Her body was so tired that She had some difficulty climbing down the spiral staircase, but She was smiling. This is only possible because She is master of Her mind.

Unfortunately, we aren't like Amma. Rather than being identified with the Divine, we are fully identified with our bodies, minds and intellects. Because of this identification, we are prisoners of our own limitations. We are prisoners of our minds, and fully convinced that we are this silly ego, which, in our delusion we think is something significant and great. This is the very source of our suffering.

Our state is like the state of the man who thought he was a worm. Thinking he was a worm, he couldn't go to work because along the way there was a chicken farm and he was afraid he would get eaten. His wife took him to a psychiatrist and he underwent treatment for a few years until finally the psychiatrist said to him, "Congratulations! You are cured! You no longer think you are a worm. You don't need to see me anymore." The man thanked him profusely saying, "Yes, I am glad to be a man again and not a worm!" The next day he started walking to work, but when he came to the chicken farm he panicked and ran back home. His wife took him back to the psychiatrist who said, "What happened? You know that you aren't a worm. Why are you afraid?" The man said, "Yes, I know I'm not a worm, but do those chickens know?"

It's clear that attitude is what's important in any situation. But, like the samurai, we are slaves rather than masters of our minds. It is, however, not at all a hopeless situation, because we have Mother to teach us how to be masters of our minds so that we can even smile at death. Through Mother's guidance, grace and our own self-effort, the mind's negativity will be washed away.

Self-effort is all-important, and Mother gives us a simple prescription. She doesn't ask us to sit somewhere in a cave and to torture our bodies by standing on one leg or starving ourselves. What she asks of us is to follow the golden rule -- to do unto others as we would have them do unto us. This is seeing God in everyone. The exercises that Mother prescribes for us, such as constant repetition of the mantra, selfless service, bhajans and meditation, purify our minds. A purified mind will perceive God in everyone and everything. In other words, these practices tune our minds to Mother, giving us the experience of Her constant presence. Then we, too, will be masters of our minds.

I would like to explore one aspect of self-effort here. This is the effort of consciously adjusting our thoughts and attitudes in a positive way. There are always going to be difficulties and challenges in life, sometimes more so than at other times. But these situations are always opportunities to grow and to learn. If we can maintain the attitude that Mother is at all times taking care of us, and if we can look to the positive and see the good in every situation, it will greatly relieve our suffering.

Like most people, I am sometimes a victim of a negative mind. This negative mind can really make me miserable. I find that by being in Amma's presence, and I mean really being in Amma's presence, a negative mind can be greatly relieved if not completely eliminated. One explanation for this phenomenon is that our egos, desires, and attachments are like clouds that block the sun's rays. God's Grace is always shining equally on all of us, but if we have clouded our minds with desire, we cannot experience that Grace. Sitting in the presence of a Mahatma (great soul) has the effect of a Divine cosmic wind that blows away the clouds of desire, allowing us to experience the Grace and peace that are our true natural state. Thus, being in Amma's presence is purifying.

Mother once told me that it isn't possible for us to remove our negative thoughts by ourselves. She said that negative thoughts need to be replaced with good thoughts and She advised me to pray for good thoughts to replace the negative thoughts.

Sometimes we aren't even aware of our negative thoughts. Amma gives us all sorts of situations and circumstances that make us grow, and give us a chance to observe our minds.

The mind can be a powerful ally; it can help us greatly or it can destroy us. I remember an incident that happened many years ago. An ashram resident had been my roommate at Amritapuri for 10 years. We are very close friends, but in the early days of our stay at the ashram there could sometimes be a little competition between us. One day I happened to walk into the Western shop while this resident was working at the desk as cashier. Suddenly a brahmacharini walked in and whispered something in the resident's ears. She got a little flustered and asked me to sit at the desk while she hurried out the door in the direction of Amma's room.

"What's this?" I thought. When half an hour had gone by and she still hadn't come back, the truth of the situation dawned on me. Mother obviously had called my friend to her room to talk to her. I tried not to get upset. When an hour had gone, I closed the shop, went to the roof and cried my heart out for two solid hours. I considered jumping over the edge, but thought, "No, that would be too messy." It wasn't that I begrudged my friend for this chance to be with Mother, it's just that I longed for it so much myself. Why does she get all the chances and not me? Oh, I was so upset! Finally I had to go down and the same brahmacharini who had come to call my friend saw my swollen red face and asked me what was wrong. Boo hoo, I started to cry again and somehow blurted the whole sad story. The brahmacharini laughed at me and gave me a loving pinch. It was all the imaginings of my mind. The brahmacharini had called my friend to find a letter that was extremely urgent and she had run down to the office to look for it. The whole thing was a projection of my mind and my suffering was completely my own creation.

Mother creates these situations so that we can see how our minds work. I viewed the world in that episode through the eyes of my own jealousy and insecurity, and the result was a completely false and miserable reality. How much of our everyday world and experiences are coloured by our negative emotions and create for us a completely false reality?

(continued in June)