Living with Amma, part one

By Swamini Krishnamrita Prana

After I left school, I worked for a plastic surgeon as his receptionist and secretary. It was an interesting job and taught me many things about the world. This plastic surgeon was a specialist in hand surgery, replacing joints of people with rheumatoid arthritis. Many people would come to him for different types of cosmetic surgery. Initially, during the two years I worked for him, there were about three patients scheduled for surgery every week. Gradually, the doctor started to squeeze in four, five or six patients. It seemed to me that he was trying to earn more money to pay for the luxuries in his life: his overseas holidays and wife's costly clothes. The problem was that the incidence of infections among his patients was rising, probably because he was spending less time caring for them. Seeing this, I became disillusioned and felt that life was not about trying to make money to pay for luxuries. I sensed that there was something more to life than this but did not know exactly what it was. But I was going to try and find out. So I retired at 18.

I decided to travel to discover what life was really all about. I travelled through Asia for eight months. My last destination was India. Many people I met had little by way of material riches or comforts, but they were happy. They enjoyed peace of mind and a level of contentment that I had never experienced before. What was the reason for this?

I discovered that it was their faith in God. Love for and devotion to God, whatever be their religion, united all the members of a family and infused joy into their lives.

I eventually returned to Australia where I met up with some friends with whom I had travelled. They asked me if I wanted to learn how to meditate, and invited me to join their satsang group. Enthusiastically, I accepted the invitation. As there was to be a dinner after the satsang, I prepared something to take along with me: devilled (stuffed) eggs! I thought it was a great idea but it didn't go down very well with the others. They did not eat eggs. Anyway, I enjoyed listening to the spiritual truths. That night, I returned home with my plate of eggs and something else: in the Hindu teachings, I found all the answers to my questions about life and its meaning. After a short time, I travelled to India again and began living in an ashram in north India. I stayed there for six months, and then met somebody who told me about Amma. He said that he felt that I was a child of Amma and that if I went to see Her, I would want to stay with Her. This was exactly what happened.

In 1982, I went to see Amma. I was expecting a Guru who sat on a throne and gave darshan without letting anyone touch Her — but this was not Amma's way. When I walked into the small hut where Amma was seated, She got up and rushed over to hug me. I was totally overwhelmed! I had never seen anyone give so much love to others. Purity and a bubbling effervescent joy seemed to ooze from every pore of Her body.

I felt that I had found my true spiritual teacher at last. But I felt a little guilty that I had started my spiritual life with another guru, and knew that one should not jump from one teacher to another. However, this guru died two weeks after I met Amma. I then decided to accept Amma as my Guru and offer myself wholeheartedly to Her.

The early days with Amma were blissful. She would spend Her days and nights lost in loving God, singing bhajans in ecstasy and often going into states of samadhi. When She wasn't thus immersed, Amma would spend Her time loving those of us who were fortunate to be with Her then.

Amma would always try to teach us through personal example. Sometimes, when She wanted to drive home Her teaching or if someone committed a mistake, She would take it out on Her own body instead of punishing us. Once, when someone had done something wrong, Amma started to beat a large, heavy tin of milk powder against Her hand. When things had quietened down, I took a cold, wet cloth and applied it to Amma's hand to soothe it. Amma watched me do this, and smiled. After I had finished tending to Her, She whispered to me, "It is the other hand."

As I did not know Malayalam then, I was often an onlooker trying to guess what was going on. But it was always enlightening to watch as Amma imparted a spiritual point, and this would be clear even to one who did not know Malayalam. Once, when Amma was eating lunch with the ashram residents, She knocked over Her glass of buttermilk, and the contents spilled onto the cement floor.

I rushed to get a cloth but Amma stopped me. Instead, She proceeded to drink the buttermilk off the floor. Two Westerners who were present on that occasion looked at each other, shocked. Soon after, they left the ashram. Amma had Her own unique way of teaching a spiritual lesson. Today, even with several thousand people living in Amritapuri, Amma continues to unfold Her spiritual teachings in Her inimitable way.

People all over the world have experienced Amma's Grace. Diseases have been healed. People have been saved from accidents and even early death. There have been so many experiences in the lives of almost all the devotees that I am sure everyone can tell amazing stories of Amma's Grace.

A few months ago, during a retreat in Australia, a girl came up to me with tears flowing down her face. She said, "I have to tell you what just happened. Amma is so incredibly wonderful, but how many of us realise it?" It seemed that this girl had become inspired to somehow serve Amma's children. So she had gone up to Amma and asked, "Please Amma, what can I do to serve Your children?" Amma was pleased to hear this request. She gave the girl an apple and some sacred ash, and then told her to give these items to a lady who was too sick to attend the retreat programmes. Amma also asked the girl to let this lady know that She was with the sick lady.

This girl duly went to the sick lady's room. She cut up the apple, applied some ash on the lady's forehead and spoke some consoling words. She tried to make the lady feel as comfortable as possible. The lady remained very quiet throughout. Finally, she told the girl that she was fine and that the girl could leave. Just as this girl was about to leave the room, the lady called her. With tears in her eyes, she said, "You know, I have been sick for a long time and I was just so tired of living like this that I was ready to commit suicide. That was when you came to me with this prasad (consecrated offering) from Amma. Now I know that Amma loves me and is thinking about me, and I feel able to try and go on."

Amma gives us the strength to face many difficult situations. We, who have been like cripples at one time or another, have been blessed with Grace, enabling us to climb mountains of obstacles.

Last year, during a programme in Sante Fe, a devotee came up to me with his friend who was completely deaf. He had been born this way. However, he could lip-read. That day, he had gone up to Amma for darshan and was astounded to hear Amma speaking into his ear! He could not understand how this could happen. The devotee and I smiled at each other in the understanding that this was just one of the wonders of Amma's greatness.

(continued in March)